Why this blog? 部落格缘起

LY kind of mocked me for having become an avid blogger.

被利源嘲弄，说我现在一天到晚在打部落格。

Indeed, now when I'm at home and not busy in the kitchen or with other housework, I'm pretty much stuck with BLOGSPOT. I'm not a natural writer, I don't even have much ability to keep my thoughts clear and lucid. I wish words would flow freely out of my fingers, and end up neat and tidy in persuasive paragraphs on the monitor. Now I'm kind of back to my schooling days, spending so much time trying to perfect essay assignments. And I even try to impress my lecturer with an attached translation!

确实啊。现在我不是泡在厨房里或者忙着别的家事，就是成天跟BLOGSPOT为伴。我不是天生的作家，甚至连保持思路清晰的能力也没有。我多么希望我的思绪能自我调整，不用我特别费神指挥就整整齐齐透过我的指尖在荧光屏上排列成富感染力的文字。现在我犹如回到求学时代，为了交作业日夜琢磨字句。我甚至额外讨好老师，连翻译都呈上了！

My inherent inability to write isn't the sole reason why I take a long time to make one posting. Truth is, this is quite a challenge for me and at times, I do feel a little awkward as I type. Vegetarianism, environmentalism, nutrition, food preparation, what do I know of these? Nothing!!! I'm far from an expert, yet by blogging, in a way I seem to be projecting myself as one. I got to be extra careful not to post wrong information, so most of the time, I'm doing research as I type. I'm expert at forgetting though, out of what I've read or learnt, I can safely say I remember only less than 1%. It's like doing revision, and of course learning new things along the way.

费那么多时间写部落格，不光是因为自己不具写作本领。说实在，这部落格对我来说是颇具挑战性的，有时候，写着写着，真觉得别扭。素食、环保、营养、烹饪，关于这些，我懂什么呀？我什么都不懂，却来个不懂装懂！我得格外小心，不能给读者错误讯息，所以大部分时间都花在翻查资料。把所学过的都忘得一干二净，这我倒是相当拿手的……一般学过看过的东西，我能记住百分之一就很了不起了。打这部落格，对我来说应该说是温故知新吧。

I truly wonder how many people would be interested to read the essays that I've spent time polishing. I myself can't be bothered to read about things I'm not interested in. But some friends gave me positive feedback yesterday and today, and that was great encouragement, THANK YOU!

其实我非常怀疑，有多少人愿意看我这么呕心沥血写出来的文章？我自己对于不感兴趣的东西，向来都懒得去多看几眼。不过这两天，几个同修给了我正面的评价，实在是一大鼓励，感恩之至！

After a ‘hard day at work’, I tend to have doubts whether or not I'm again spending time unwisely. Just a few days ago, while we were bantering, I told LY that he was a fast learner, because he had a wife who was so too, and he grabbed the chance to mock me: a fast learner, but a slow worker. Yeah… that struck me deep. I have been seriously thinking if I should quickly get over this phase of spending all my time in the kitchen trying out new recipes. A housewife has better things to do other than serving food. That said, I do think I was born to spend time in the kitchen. When I was in primary school, I loved to step into the kitchen and ask our maid to let me help her cook, and she would say things like, the kitchen wasn’t a place for us to go in. I even liked to scrub the kitchen sink till it was sparkling clean. Imagine, a girl barely 10 years old and who had a maid, doing such mundane chores and enjoying herself!

因为好不容易才交出一篇作品，时不时怀疑自己是不是又把宝贵的时间花在不该花的地方上了。前些天，跟利源一番胡言乱语，我说他学东西学得快，因为他有个也同样聪明的太太，他却趁机说这太太虽然学东西学得快，做事却做得慢。真是当头棒喝。这些日子我也时常想，我是不是该早点结束这段不停尝试新菜肴的日子？黄脸婆除了给夫君端茶送饭以外，还有更值得做的事吧？但是话说回来，我觉得我天生就是喜欢泡在厨房的。我还是小学生的时候，就特别喜欢踏进厨房，请女佣让我帮忙做饭。当时得到的回复，常常是，厨房不是你们踏入之地，出去出去！我甚至没事就喜欢把洗碗槽刷洗得亮晶晶的。一个10岁的孩子，家里还有个女佣，竟然乐于干这样无聊的活儿，还忙得不亦乐乎！

Anyway, back to the subject.

言归正传……

Well, I think in life, we come to different stages, when it's time to embark on one, we do so, and when it's time to end, it just ends. I think I’ve only just come to a new page in my life.

我想，人生就是好几个不同的阶段。有时候该踏上新的旅程，有时候该把它结束。我想，我刚翻开了人生新的一页。

To keep myself going, I drive myself back to the purpose of this blog.

为了鼓励自己前进，我时常提醒自己，写这部落格目的是什么？

It's a cause so great, and so complex, that I don't know how to put into words.

背后的意义实在太大，似乎是超乎语言所能表达。

I'm only half an old hag who knows so little. But even though I can only grasp so little, I know what little I have grasped is of paramount significance not only to myself but to everyone else. How can I bear not to share it with all? There's just too much that I wish to convey!

我只不过是半个黄脸婆，所懂的只有那么一丁点。但是，虽然我只能掌握那么少，我知道，我所体悟到的，不但对我本身具莫大意义，对所有人，也是极为重要的讯息。我怎么忍心不把这么珍贵的宝藏与大家分享？我所要传达的，实在是太多太多！

To put it simply, I want to become a bridge.

简言之，我要成为一座桥。

I want to be the bridge, for those who are willing, to come and meet the compassionate souls who have inspired me. To come and see for themselves, that everything is so wonderfully connected. To feel the message in their hearts, that our health, our earth, our animal friends, we are inseparably ONE.

我愿成为一座桥，让所有愿意跨过来的人，跟那些给了我无限启发的充满慈悲的智者，结下良缘。让他们亲眼看到，万物都互相交织地这么完美。让他们聆听内心的呼唤：我们的健康、我们的地球、我们的动物朋友们，都是不可分割的一体。

Just a little side track. Yesterday, I helped to man the booth at the Vegetarian Society exhibition. The video wasn't working, so there weren't many people attracted to the booth. Half an hour before knocking off, I was reading the comments left by previous viewers, and was contemplating writing a response to those that apparently were quite ill informed and had biased views of the vegetarian cause. Then George popped in. Probably as a form of encouragement, he told me he usually would hand out the society’s brochures to those who seemed to be interested enough to read the exhibits. As he shared this I felt a little tension within myself.

话题稍稍岔开。昨天，我到图书馆帮素食协会做展览管理员。本来该播放录像的，但是录像机坏了，所以没几个人对展览感兴趣。离我退勤时间约半小时，我正在看数天来看展览录像的人所做的留言，这些留言当中，有一些很明显对素食的真实意义并不理解，对素食颇有成见，我正想如何针对这些留言做个回应，George就来了。一番寒喧后，他大概是为了鼓励我吧，说他一般会主动把协会的一些传单发给愿意停下脚步来看展览的人。他这么一说，我感到心里莫名地紧绷了。

About 10 minutes later, another volunteer appeared, apparently she came down just to get to know me. She asked if she could enlist me as a volunteer, so that they could ask me for help in future. But I told her I'm pretty selective when it comes to volunteering, and said frankly that 99% of the time I might decline. I must have come across as a horribly cold hearted soul, in contrast to how passionate she was. Very soon, she got the video working (so it wasn’t spoilt!), and was busy handing out the pamphlets to some who had started to gather around the tv. I stood aside, half of me feeling like a little girl who wasn't very sure of what to do, the other half feeling like I was openly lazing on my job.

大概十分钟后，又有另一个义工来了，显然是为了跟我结识而来。她问我，可不可以把我列入义工名单，以后有事可以请我帮忙。我坦白地告诉她，我做义工是相当挑剔的，很可能99%的工作我都不能帮忙。她多半觉得我真是个冷酷无情的家伙，相比之下，她是多么热情啊。没多久，她就把录像机打开了（哦，原来并没坏……），然后忙着给凑过来观看的人发传单。我站在一旁，像个不知所措的小女孩，又像个公开偷懒的义工。

Quite often I wonder if there's something seriously wrong with me. I envision myself doing things that are truly beneficial to others, but yet when I am approached to volunteer, I'm so picky about the job per se.

我也时常怀疑自己是不是有点问题。一方面我希望为大众服务，另一方面当有人找我做义工的时候，我总是这么挑剔。

And I'm very stingy with my time. I need LOTS of time for myself, and LOTS of time to be at home. A day spent mostly outside drains me. If I have to rush from one place to another, meeting people, then it's almost a guarantee that by the time I get back home I would be a little out of sorts.

而且，我总是非常吝惜于交出我宝贵的时间。我是个极端需要独处的人，也是个酷爱留在家里的人。要是一天到晚在外头，我就感到虚脱无力，烦躁难安。要是还得东奔西跑，到处跟人见面，那晚上回到家，我肯定是失衡了。

There might be some deeper issues that I need to resolve, but for the moment, what I know for sure is that, I can't be the typical active volunteer that we usually come across.

也许这当中有一些我需要处理的更深层的问题，但是我知道至少目前，我不能做一个一天到晚到处忙忙碌碌的义工。

If you still don't get what I mean, I'm a little too shy to do most forms of volunteer work. (Although recently I realized that some people don't seem to think that I'm shy and quiet. Does that mean I'm improving, or am I not being myself when I'm with people?) To make things worse, I'm too much of a homebody to be taken out of my nest for too long. I remember even right till my twenties, whenever I was out the whole day, I would be homesick by night time, I seriously missed my parents!

要是你还不明白我想说什么，简单地说，我有点太过内向害羞，不太适合做大部分的义工。（但是最近，我发现有些朋友似乎不觉得我是这样的性格，是不是我进步了，还是我跟人相处的时候把真实的自己掩藏起来了？）更糟的是，我太恋家，不能太长时间离开暖巢。记得一直到20多岁，我要是一天都在外头，那么到了晚上我就会想家了，真的想念爸爸妈妈！

……So you see...... I'm not left with much choice as to the kind of bridge I can become.

……所以，到底能成为什么样的一座桥，我似乎没有太多选择。

I don’t know if anybody will want to step on this bridge. But I hope that it will be a well constructed one.

我不知道会不会有人愿意走上这座桥，但是，我希望这会是坚固有用的一座桥。