2009年1月20日。这是值得欢庆的日子。
It was the 1st day of my period since my recent fast. And it was RED menstruation on the first day.
是我这次断食以后第一次来潮，而且，这第一天的月经，是鲜红色的血。
I've never seen red blood on the first day of my menstruation. Not even once, for the past 20 years since I had my first period. It was always AT LEAST 2 or 3 days of brown discharge before the flow of blood would come. 4 or 5 days was quite common. When I was in my teens, it literally never ended, such that I never knew when my period started nor when it ended. I never knew how to count the number of days of my periods, or when I should consider the 1st day. I never knew what a normal period was, until recently when I learnt that some of the women around me have only 3 days of it (of red blood flow!), it sounds like turning on and off the tap, so easy. For me, the actual blood flow was always flanked by long days of brown discharge, preludes and epilogues. I was so envious of them.
我从来没有在月经的第一天就见到鲜红的血迹。20年了，一次也没有。总是先见至少2、3天深褐色分泌，这前奏拖上4、5天也是家常便饭。十多岁的时候，几乎是没完没了，我根本不知道我的月经是什么时候开始，什么时候结束，不晓得哪天才算是第一天，更不懂的如何算月经天数。正常的月经是什么样的，我不知道，一直到不久以前，才知道身边的一些亲友月经竟然只有3天，而且流的是红血，宛如开关水龙头一般简单，说我多羡慕就多羡慕。相比之下，我真正流血前后，总是有拖拖拉拉好多天的开场白和收场白。
But the first sign of my period this time was red blood, and quite a lot comparatively. By the second day, there was already a steady flow, which is very early for me! Men of course wouldn't understand this, even women who've always had normal menstruation wouldn't. I was esctatic. So happy and full of gratitude that I cried.
但是这回，我来经的第一个迹象，就是鲜红色的血迹，而且，比起过去不清不楚的深褐色污迹，量也多了不少。到了第二天，已经是顺畅的血流，第二天呀，这对我是多么早啊。男人当然不能理解，就是女人，要是向来月事正常，也体会不了我的喜悦。我兴奋莫名，我高兴得难以形容，心中充满感激，感动得泪水都流了下来。
It's been 20 years, and now it's like a curse lifted away.
20年啊，这天，犹如诅咒终于被解开了……
Women go to gynaes when they are pregnant, or when something abnormal happens to them. But I'd been a frequent visitor of many gynaes in my early teens, soon after I started having my periods. Because unlike my sisters, my periods had never been normal. And since then, hormone pills had become a part of my diet. I'd taken years of the pill without knowing that they were contraceptives! People say that irregular periods in young girls tend to normalize as they grow up, I'm not sure what normal is actually, or if mine had ever become normal. Is being controlled by drugs considered normal?
妇产科，顾名思义，该是妇女怀孕或发生什么异状的时候才造访之处。然而我几乎是一开始来经，才刚上初中，就成了常客。因为我的月事从来没有正常过。自此，吃下不知多少荷尔蒙丸、避孕药，后来得知自己多年来吃的是避孕药，简直如晴天霹雳。人家说少女经事慢慢会随着年纪增长而正常化，但是我不知道什么叫正常，也不知道自己以前到底正常过没有。靠着药品的话，算正常吗？
It was always the standard procedures at the gynaes. I never felt any assurance, despite the big bucks I was paying (or rather, my parents were paying; if ever the amount was less than 200 I considered myself lucky), and the amount of time I had to wait (of course I made prior appointments, they were specialists). There was not the slightest hint of any hope that I would get better, it was like I was destined to take all the pills they threw me. None of them could tell me WHY I had to go through all that, they didn't even seem interested in the subject. Or perhaps, I wasn't that interested either. Visiting doctors, taking medicines, it was all part and parcel of life, I probably didn't give the matter much thought either.
在妇产科做的反反复复总是那些检验。尽管父母为我付出昂贵的费用（要是少于200块我算是幸运），尽管次次都要等上老半天（当然是电话预约，这可是专科），然而我丝毫不感到踏实。我离好转的日子似乎是遥遥无期，似乎注定一生都得吃下他们让我买下的药丸。看过的妇科，没有一个能为我解释为什么我得承受这一切，我想，没有一个对这问题感兴趣吧。甚至连我自己大概也不怎么关心这些吧。看医生、吃药，这些不都是人生的一部分吗？
And I can't forget one Chinese physician whom I turned to after striking off gynaes as my potential saviours. After a few visits and I didn't improve, he somehow seemed exasperated and embarrassed, and said I should go to a gynae. If they could cure me, I wouldn't be here today, I thought. Chinese medicine is so much more brilliant than its western counterpart, I had so much faith in it, it's kind of depressing to be rejected like that.
我决定不再依靠妇科以后，见过一个中医。复诊几次也不见好转，他显得有些恼羞成怒，说我应该去找妇科。唉，要是妇科能救我，我今天就不来求你了。中医远比西医高明，我对中医那么有信心，今天却来遭你泼冷水。
There was one other Chinese physician who did help me get better though. After taking his herbal prescriptions at least my endless discharge stopped. And my frequent mouth ulcers cleared too. I was supposed to continue with my visits, but I was already on my way to natural healing. After about 2.5 months I decided that no medication was good ultimately. I would do it the natural way, through a healthy diet and fasts. It might take a long time, but I wouldn't be putting in more toxins into my body. It would be what my body truly desired.
其实后来有一位中医确实帮我把情况改善了许多。喝了他开的处方，至少我没完没了的月事有了停歇。甚至连常有的口疮也没有了。他让我继续看他，但是当时我已经开始走上自然疗法之道，大概2个半月以后，我心想，是药三分毒，因此决定不管是西药还是中药都不服用，就靠自然健康的饮食，加上断食，也许要花很长的时间，但是至少，我不再把毒素注入体内，这也是我身体真正需要的自我康复的疗程。
I'm so glad somehow I managed to rid myself of all medications. I'm so grateful that for some reasons unknown, I have an innate faith in the holistic path. I'm so glad I did badly in the science subjects at school. If I had done well, would I have so much faith in alternative paths? Just like how I didn't manage to get into business school and turned to learning Japanese, it was a blessing in disguise.
我为自己能够摆脱所有的药物感到庆幸。能对自然疗法自然就有莫名的信心，我也感到无比感恩。求学时代理科搞得一塌糊涂，我也觉得是我的福气。要是我理科学得好，今天，我能对另类疗法完全敞开心扉，有那么坚定不移的信心吗？这正如我当年考不上商科，转而修学日语一样，塞翁失马，焉知非福！
I feel no period pains anymore, not even the slightest feeling of heaviness that used to accompany my periods.
现在，我一点经痛也没有。就是月经来时那种沉重的感觉也没有。
During the water fast, for many days there was black discharge. It looked like black ink, and it certainly looked poisonous. We talk of detoxifying, of getting rid of toxins, now I could see real toxin-looking toxins coming out of my own body. It was yucky, of course. But I was excited and glad, this was something I was looking forward to. The first time I did a juice fast, I came out with no more period pains, except the feeling of heaviness on the heaviest day. That was a HUGE leap for me. But my period wasn't yet 'normal', there were still the long periods of brown discharge. I did a few more juice fasts, still there wasn't any marked improvement.
水断那期间，流出了很多天的墨汁般的污迹。这、就、是、毒、素。我们总是说排毒排毒，如今我真的看到毒物从我体内流出来。样子当然恐怖。但是我很兴奋，这是我期待已久的。第一次做蔬果汁断以后，我的经痛消失了，但是来经时沉重的感觉还在。但是那对当时的我已经是巨大的进步，尽管我的月经还谈不上正常，还是有许多天的深褐色分泌物。接下来我又做了几次蔬果汁断，却没有再进步。
I can't describe how glad I am. Looking back, the change has been so enormous. It's unbelievable.
This is something I've been longing for, now it's here, it's really here. It's like a dream come true, and I'm so grateful, to people who've shown me the way, to people who've shown me support. And to the Buddhas and Bodhdisattvas, who've always been guiding me along and giving me strength.
我内心的欣喜难以形容。回想过去，改变实在太大了。简直不可思议。这是我多年来所渴望的，如今到了我面前，真的到我手里了，美梦成真，我无比感恩，感谢为我铺路的导师，感谢给我支持的人们，感谢诸佛菩萨，一直为我引路，给我力量。
How many women are still taking all the hormone tablets and pills that are prescribed to them, not knowing what harm they are causing themselves? How many are still doing so, despite knowing the harm they are causing themselves? I'm so glad I've persevered till this day, how I wish more people would give themselves a chance.
有多少女性依然服用荷尔蒙、避孕药，而不知道自己正在如何残害着自己？有多少尽管知道，却依然故我？我能够坚持，能够等到这一天，我是多么幸运！但愿有更多人能给自己，给自己的身体一个机会。但愿有更多人，能感受到我这份喜悦。
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